Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
