I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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