After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
