Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
