i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Come on in and take your pants off
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