i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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