My liver just broke up with me...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize