he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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