So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
