sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
