I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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