she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
