I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
