ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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