If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
third nipple confirmed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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