so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
