I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
