My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize