I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
