I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
