FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
