Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
