if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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