i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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