The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
