A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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