mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So much rum. So many feels.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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