Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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