like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
