Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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