In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
