There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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