I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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