he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
