wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
