no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
