I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
