i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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