cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
