3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
