Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
