I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
