so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pooping to opera.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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