Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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