Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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