I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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