our cab driver is having phone sex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
