he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
