That's intense
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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