Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
