how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
