Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
