He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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