hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
