if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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