shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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