after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm getting married
To pizza
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
