I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
