Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ok first of all what the fuck
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
