no, he came in my armpit
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
