You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
