About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
