every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
