i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
