im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
