everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
