I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
