Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize