He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
