Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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