More tranny stories later!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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