when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize